Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Emotional rollercoaster

Parenting.  That's what it is.  An emotional rollercoaster.

I recently read this article. Watched this video. Started reading this book.  And joined BSF to study the Life of Moses.  And it's all making me very emotional.  Or I'm just emotional and now I just know how to channel it, feed it and let it flourish.

Whenever I read blog posts/articles like that, watch those kinds of videos and study God's Word they cause me to think.  To reflect, and cry. Big tears....ugly tears....good tears.  Tears that prove this all means something.  That how we live matters, that how we raise our kids will impact them, and that we love because we are Loved. Over the course of the day, I feel all kinds of big emotions and feelings, usually in some sort of repetitive pattern.

Wake up, try to fall back to sleep, hear a voice and simultaneously feel the disappointment of the loss of extra sleep and excitement to see my little one.

Grounded.  Read my Scripture of the Day. If you're looking for something good to get in your inbox each morning, Steve Moore is spot on.  Email scripture_of_the_day+subscribe@googlegroups.com to get subscribed.

Worldly.  Read a few emails, skim the headlines.

Interrupted.  By someone.

Ready.  Ready to get the day going, excited. Excited to see people, teach the kids new things, watch them interact with others, excited for coffee.  Excited for what the day will bring, how I will get to practice my newfound patience that I somehow perfected in my sleep overnight.

Disappointment.  Disappointment at the fighting over toys, the struggle to get dressed, eat, brush teeth, get 3 kids all 4 and under into the car and safely buckled.

Accomplishment. We did it. We got out of the house. We went into the world. Out in public.  And everyone wore shoes.

Encouraged. Filled up, renewed, challenged. My fellow parents who I interact with day in and day out help me gear up for the next portion of my day.

Lunch. Dreaded lunch. When everyone is fed and happy, we call it. Faces wiped is a bonus.

Tired. From putting the littles down for nap. Jealous that I don't have time to take one myself. Renewed by the "open-ended" yet "fixed" amount of time before me. Will they nap for 1 or 3 hours? How much of my to do list will I get to check off?

Scrambling. Kids are stirring...

Hungry. Did I eat lunch?

Awe.  Looking at my child I am overcome with gratitude that I get to be with them. Both as their mother and this exact moment.  I don't want to forget it.

Impatient.  Is it 5:30 yet?

Peaceful, for a minute we all sit, pray and eat together. Then I'm a mom again and waters need to be filled, napkins passed out, 2nds dished up and dogs fed.  And by now, the baby is crying.

Frantic. Must get house put together before bedtime. This is only for my own sanity.

Intellectual even though it's Bernstein Bears and Dr. Seuss....it's literature.

Hostage situation ensues.  If you don't know what I'm talking about, watch this.  Skip ahead to 5:20 or just watch the entire thing...it's pretty spot on.

But, the minute I close the door, a sense of accomplishment and worth floods over me. And at the same time, I miss them. I enjoy the quiet and the possibility of time alone with Nate, to be adults.  But we usually end up talking about the kids.  How wonderful they each are.  Their uniqueness, their gifts and the joy they bring to our lives. 

One more quick peek.  One more kiss.

It's like a highly addictive habit, parenting. Except the stakes are even higher...

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