Monday, September 15, 2014

Baby Apocalypse

The waiting.  Oh....the waiting.  Right now, two days away from my due date and just waiting.  Nesting really kicked in for me around 32 weeks and we got a lot done.  By 37 weeks we felt done and ready for the baby (there is a whole new list of things that could be done now, but that will have to wait). 

So, since 37 weeks...we've been ready.  Knowing full well it probably wouldn't happen until well into my 39th week (Griff and Hattie were each 39 and 3).  But ready none-the-less and waiting.  Now that 39 and 3 has come and gone, and contractions have started and stopped (a few times), I'm a little lost.

Everyday could be his birth day.  And each day could be just like the one previous.  We didn't really plan anything for the last few weeks because we didn't know where we'd be at with BW3.  So all we've really done is preschool and ECFE.  We made it to my first Mom's Morning at CPC, church, small group and a few other last minute social things, but for the most part our calendar is wide open...which is a daunting way to start the day when there may or may not be a baby coming.

Because every day could be the day, I feel a bit like I'm preparing for the baby apocalypse.  I'm not sure why I feel like everything has to be washed, done, put away, clean, tidy, fresh, organized, but it does.  I've done more 1/2 loads of laundry in the last week than in my entire life combined.  The dishwasher is run and emptied more frequently, the toilets cleaned almost daily.  The poor kids probably feel like their toys are off limits because I keep putting them away as soon as they turn to a new one.  Because BW3 is definitely going to be judging us as a family when we bring him home if there is a pile of laundry not yet folded.

And we're only going to be gone for 48 hours at the most?  What's with the food hoarding I'm doing?  I've got meals planned out for weeks and the pantry has enough cereal and snacks to last a month.  Oh, and by the looks of our banana stash, we are a family of monkeys not people (in my defense, Hattie's been eating 2 a day and I just don't want to be caught without a banana for her).

I know some of it has to do with my fear of leaving the house with all three of them and if I'm more than prepared with meals, laundry, etc. than we won't have to worry about a necessary trip to target three days in. 

The waiting is not made easier by all of the concerned family, friends, neighbors who continue to call/text/stop by to ask if today is the day.  Don't get me wrong, I feel very loved and so does BW3 that so many people are wanting to hear, but I promise....we will let you know.  I do know the feeling from having lots of friends have kids that you just want to know when they head off to the hospital so that you can be thinking of/praying for them in those precious moments as they bring that little life into the world.  But just like last time you checked, no change.  1 cm.  That's it.

And I can't call anyone either.  I can hear the excited pause on the other end that's waiting to hear, "this is it!"  and I can also hear the let down when I'm just calling to say hi or tell a Griff/Hattie story, or vent.

But mostly, the waiting is so hard because I'm so excited to meet him.  The biggest let down when the contractions have faded away is that we seemed to have come so close to holding him and then we're back to the guessing game.  I'm also anxiously waiting to tell Griffin and Hattie, "Today is the day we will meet our baby brother!" but the best I can give them is, "soon.  He will be here soon."

And he will be here soon, I know that.  He can't stay inside forever...despite how hard he is trying right now.  And I know that when he comes, life is going to change immensely for all of us.  Right now, days are relatively easy.  It's easy to go somewhere, easy to make spontaneous plans, easy (ish) to get in the car, easy to run errands (or at least one errand), easy to make meals, easy to do nap time, easy to do bedtime.  And soon it will all be a lot harder.  I remember how hard it was when Hattie was born, and I suspect it will be just as hard this time...if not harder.  Not to mention we will be waking up multiple times a night and trying to do all that.  But I want him here.  However hard it is, however it messes up our "easy" lifestyle these days, however it changes how we have to do things as a family, I want him here with us.  I want to snuggle him and bring him home and kiss him.

BW3 we have waited patiently for 39+ weeks for your arrival....it's time.  We're ready for you.  The laundry is done, meals are prepped, our bags are packed and the house is clean.  You can come.  Anytime.  We already love you so much, we just can't wait to put a face on the sweet little being you already are.  But, if you wait a little longer, that's ok too.  You're still a keeper.  I already love you more than you know.

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